Trauma-Informed Strategies for Engaging with Others
For several years, I trained the coaches of Seth Godin’s altMBA program. In fact, it is being a part of this coach team and developing the training that helped me see the need to write Show Up Hard. Inevitably, at the end of each training session as people were integrating these new learnings, someone would ask for a set of quick tips to remind themselves of the principles as they encountered tension or crisis; something they could review before a 1:1 session.
In some ways, I wish I had concluded my book with these tips. However, I choose to close the book as a send off on a journey with a different set of tips. I’m sharing the tips with you here, now, and as a reminder to myself as so much is shifting for me and the people I love during these times.
What are trauma-informed ways we can think about showing up for someone when we know that there is a tension, a crisis, or something amiss but we don’t quite know the size, shape, or scale of that situation? Here’s 6 tips.
Resource yourself so you can create a safe space. Practice the principles of investing in your own resiliency so you show up with the energy you need to create a safe space to see the other person, with an invitation for them to share openly and honestly. Even on a video call, you can use nonverbal cues and active listening to create a safe space to begin.
Thank the person for being there. For someone who is overwhelmed or in crisis - always thank them for being there and for sharing. Showing up and sharing is in and of itself a positive thing. It takes guts and is a sign of hope.
Ask permission before moving forward. Before diving in with a gazillion questions, ask permission. "I'd love to ask you a few questions so I can better understand. Is that okay with you?"
Level set expectations for what is possible - explain the container you have created. "I’d like to use the 15 minutes we have together right now as best as possible to get you set up for success, whatever that looks like." or "While I don’t have expertise in this topic, I'm committed to using our 15 minutes to see what might be most helpful."
Seek to understand. Using active listening skills to do a “brief assessment” of the situation. You are not going to make a diagnosis or give a prescription at the end but you want to know, metaphorically, the size, shape and color of the situation. How long has it been going on? Is this a pattern for this person? Do they want change? In an ideal world, how would things be different for them now?
Identify a next step. How might the person move themselves forward? What is a healthy equilibrium for the person who is distraught? Consider brainstorming with the person to expand any tunnel vision. What resources are there to support this person? Think of this as a triage system - assess and refer.
Creating and holding space is the role of the compassionate witness. Signaling what is next by asking permission and using any opportunity shine a light on the path ahead are trauma-informed ways to show up for each other in times of crisis.
What strategies do you use to center yourself as you show up for others in times of crisis? I’m keen to learn from your experience.
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